Free Consultation
A free, no-pressure conversation to see if we are a good fit.
Relational Life Therapy - Coaching
Stop Having the Same Fight Over and Over Again.
Relationship work for high-functioning men and couples who want to build trust, improve communication, and decide whether their relationship can be repaired. Grounded in Relational Life Therapy and informed by extensive experience in psychology, conflict resolution, and navigating high stakes interactions.
Does This Sound Familiar?
You care about each other, but something feels stuck.
Maybe the same arguments keep coming back. Maybe the distance between you is growing, even when you're in the same room. Maybe you're not fighting at all — but you're not really connecting either.
These patterns don't mean your relationship is broken. They mean you've developed habits of relating that are contrary to connection.
Repeating Conflicts
The same arguments that never seem to get resolved, leaving both partners frustrated and unheard.
Emotional Distance
A growing gap where genuine closeness used to be — going through the motions without feeling connected.
Walking on Eggshells
Avoiding honest conversation out of fear it will escalate, leading to resentment building in silence.
The Approach
Fierce Compassion in Action
We identify the specific pattern you're stuck in — the loop, the trigger, the move that escalates it, the move that shuts it down. Then we practice something different, until the new move holds up under pressure. Not in theory. In your kitchen. With the actual person across from you.
The anchor of this work is Relational Life Therapy, developed by Terry Real. It's direct. It's accountable. It assumes you're capable of doing hard things and tells you the truth about what's getting in your way.
But no single model fits every couple, every man, every moment. We're formally trained as therapists and across a range of evidence-based modalities — attachment-based and emotionally focused work, cognitive and behavioral approaches, trauma-informed practice, somatic and mindfulness-based tools. We draw on what the situation actually calls for, in the sequence it calls for it, and we tell you what we're doing and why. The frame is RLT. The toolkit is broader.
What stays constant is the orientation: direct, skills-based, accountable, and aimed at what changes between you and the people who matter — by next week, not next year.
01
See the Pattern
Identify the destructive cycles — the defensiveness, criticism, shutdown, or withdrawal — that keep you stuck in the same place.
02
Take Accountability
Shift from blaming each other to understanding your own impact. Real change starts when both partners examine their role honestly.
03
Build New Skills
Learn practical tools for emotional regulation, clear communication, and conflict repair — skills you can use in the conversation tonight.
"The problem isn't who's right. The problem is the pattern you're stuck in together."
Coaching Services
Coaching Tailored to Where You Are
This is a deliberate choice. Therapy is the right tool for diagnosable psychological conditions and clinical care; coaching is the right tool for men and couples who are functioning well in the world and want to change a specific set of relational behaviors. Coaching is faster, more direct, and structured around what you do, not what's wrong with you. If clinical care turns out to be the better fit, we'll say so.
For Couples
Move from power struggles to genuine partnership. Joint sessions focused on breaking destructive cycles and rebuilding connection.
Learn moreFor Men
Build emotional steadiness, clearer communication, and stronger boundaries. 1-on-1 coaching for men ready to lead relationally.
Learn moreFor Teen Boys
Supporting teen boys navigating friendships, identity, emotions, and the digital world with guidance rooted in connection.
Learn moreFor Athletes
High performance on the field starts with strong relationships off it. Coaching for athletes ready to connect beyond competition.
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Free Tools · No Email Required
Not sure you're in the right relationship? Start here.
Three free ways to help you evaluate your relationship, depending on where you're at. Take one or all three.
Built using research and experience, designed to give you a real read on your relationship.
Should you stay or should you go?
A fast, sharp reflection on whether you're in the right relationship. Built on the research that actually predicts whether couples last. Get a clear, honest read in five minutes.
Best for: Anyone wondering, anyone curious, anyone who wants a quick gut-check.
Take the 5-minute versionThe Full Relationship Assessment
For when the stay-or-go question is real, urgent, or has been sitting with you for months. Includes a directive reading, a 30-day action plan, a decision framework, and three teachers' lenses (Hanson, Real, Sexton).
Best for: People at a real crossroads, considering separation, or wanting more than surface clarity.
Take the full assessmentOr just talk to me directly.
If reflecting on your own isn't quite right, sometimes a conversation is the better starting point. Free first call. No pressure. No agenda.
Best for: People who'd rather think out loud, or who already know they want help moving forward.
Book a free consultation The Results
What Clients Typically Experience
These are real shifts that clients notice in their daily lives and relationships.
Start Your JourneyLess Conflict, More Respect
Arguments de-escalate faster. Conversations become productive instead of destructive.
Deeper Emotional Safety
Feel genuinely heard and understood, creating space for real vulnerability and closeness.
Clearer Communication
Express needs without attacking, and listen without defending. Skills that transform every relationship.
Emotional Steadiness
Greater regulation under pressure — showing up grounded instead of reactive, in every area of life.
Renewed Partnership
A genuine sense of being on the same team — feeling connected, trusted, and truly chosen.
Stronger Boundaries
Clear expectations, mutual respect, and the confidence to hold both yourself and others accountable.
Training Relational Life Therapy Institute
Education M.A. Clinical Psychology (in progress)
Background 20+ years as a business lawyer
Meet Koby Smutylo
My foundation is Relational Life Therapy — practical, accountable, results-oriented, and honest about what it actually takes to change. I draw on Emotionally Focused Therapy when the work is really about attachment, the Gottman Method when couples need concrete tools for the way they talk to each other, and trauma-informed and somatic approaches (IFS, parts work) when the patterns live below the level of language. The through-line is the same in all of it: tell the truth, take responsibility, and do the work that produces actual change.
About the Work and the Person Doing it.
I came to this work after two decades operating at the executive level — General Counsel, founder, board member, corporate development. I've sat in the chair my clients sit in. I know how it feels when the part of your life that's supposed to be the foundation is unsatisfying.
My foundation is Relational Life Therapy — practical, accountable, results-oriented, and honest about what it actually takes to change. I draw on Emotionally Focused Therapy when the work is really about attachment, the Gottman Method when couples need concrete tools for the way they talk to each other, and trauma-informed and somatic approaches (IFS, parts work) when the patterns live below the level of language. The through-line is the same in all of it: tell the truth, take responsibility, and do the work that produces actual change.
Getting Started
Three Simple Steps
Starting coaching doesn't need to feel overwhelming. Here's how it works.
1
Free Consultation
A no-pressure conversation to understand your situation, answer questions, and see if coaching is a good fit.
2
Your Coaching Plan
Together we identify the patterns holding you back and create a clear path forward with practical goals.
3
Real Change Begins
Through regular online sessions, you build new skills and start seeing shifts in how you relate — at home, at work, and within yourself.
Ready for more connection in your relationships?
Whether you're a couple stuck in old patterns, a man looking to grow relationally, or a parent concerned about your teen — the first step is a conversation.
Let's have a converesation about what's going on and if we are a good fit to work together.